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Dear Christine, Confused and Angry in St. Clair Shores

| March 13, 2017

Dear Christine,

I found a condom in my husband’s work bag. We’ve been married for 8 years with 3 kids and we have no reason to use them and have not used them in 7 years due to me being allergic. The date on the pack showed that they were brand new What do I do NOW?

Confused and Angry in St. Clair Shores

Dear Angry and Confused,

Given the fact that condoms don’t make very good balloon animals and have one other purpose, your suspicions are valid. However, until you talk to your husband about this, you’re not going to know what is going on. First, a few questions about your marriage. What are the boundaries in your relationship? It sounds like you are monogamous with each other only. Do you trust each other? Most of all, do you trust your husband, to be faithful? What is communication like in your marriage? If you have a pledge to be honest with each other, then you must bring this up. Have you had suspicions and you dig around in his work bag, phone, email etc, or did you find this object innocently, while going about your business? Do you talk regularly about your needs and wants, disappointments and nonnegotiables with each other? Do you know if he has shown or expressed any dissatisfaction in the marriage? Please talk to your husband and tell him what you found and before jumping to conclusions, ask him to tell you honestly what is going on with him that he has a new condom in is work bag. There MAY be a logical explanation that doesn’t include cheating on you. You’ve made it together through 8 years and you’re raising 3 children together, so you’ve clearly made it through a number of other difficulties with each other, and somehow you’ve found a way to listen, try to understand, forgive and move on.

Be clear within yourself about what you’re needs and nonnegotiables are in this marriage. As the two of you work through this together, express those needs and nonnegotiables. Even if your marriage crumbles now, you have 3 children you will always be coparenting together. Somehow communication must continue and a way forward must be found. Take a deep breath and talk to your husband now! Write again and let me know how you’re doing as this progresses.

Take care, Christine Cantrell

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067

Click here to email Christine.

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