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Dear Christine, Confused in Clinton Township

| June 19, 2017

Dear Christine

My name is C for Confused, and I was in a relationship with “Sam”. I know HIPAA laws and I’m not asking you to confirm if she is your patient but if she is I’m asking for your help. “Sam” and I were in a relationship for 5 years. It ended last year when “Sam” cheated on me and left me for another.

We have been apart for quite some time. “Sam” attempts to reach out to me and “Sam’s” behavior is becoming more violent. I take care of my father who has Alzheimer’s and after a night of drinking she repeatedly called his house. It upset him because she has called in the past on one of her last rampages. I have repeatedly asked “Sam” to stop but she won’t. Her last text said “I’m going to fuck you up”. I don’t want to, but will need to file a PPO and I’m afraid this will escalate as well. Sam has attempted suicide on many occasions and has been committed 2 times. She suffers from depression and other mental illness.

Please let me know if you need to talk or if I can help. My phone number is xxxxxxxxxx. Please help her. Thank you

C for Confused in Clinton Twp.

Dear Confused,

Thanks for writing me. I cannot comment on who is or is not a client at this time, but I can address you and your concerns.

If possible, start with smaller steps. If you haven’t already, defriend and defollow her on social media and block her from seeing your information on Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat and the rest. Less contact should decrease drunk interactions. Also, change your own and your dad’s phone numbers. Block her from your phone and if your dad has a land line, check if the carrier can block a number too.

Look into a PPO. It must be approved by a judge, then served to the threatening party to be enforceable. Hopefully, it would scare your ex away and get her to drunk dial someone else. You can’t fix her and it doesn’t sound possible for you to be friends with her, even if she thinks a friendship is possible.

Many victims have had violence escalate after serving a PPO, angering their threatener. Talk to someone who knows about the ins and outs of all this, such as a women’s shelter, your local police and maybe the police in your dad’s town, and even to a lawyer. It’s always safer to be fully informed.

You can apply for emergency approval by a judge for an “ex parte” PPO, but you would need evidence of imminent threat, usually with police reports or other proof of the danger to you. Then it must be served, and the person being served has time to challenge the PPO. Depending on what county you live it, the details can be different. Here is a link with further information about PPOs in Michigan. http://michiganlegalhelp.org/selfhelptools/protectionfromabuse/domesticrelationshippersonalprotectionorders

You need to carry the PPO with you everywhere and call the police immediately if an infraction occurs and she can be jailed. Without the PPO, the police could pick her up, but they would only have to drive her around the corner and then could release her again.

Some other ideas of support for you would be to contact an Abused Women’s Shelter in the area. In Oakland County, that would bewww.havenoakland.org/. In Macomb County, it iswww.turningpointmacomb.org/and in Wayne County it is www.firststepmi.org/about.php. These organizations work with abused women, lesbians and gay men all the time, and offer counseling, support groups and shelter, and support going through any legal situation involved with domestic violence. Another resource on line ishttp://www.rainbowdomesticviolence.itgo.com/

Remember that you and your dad are your priority. Let your ex follow her own path, be that destructive or trying to get healthier from your perspective. You can only change you and your response and end contact with her and put up blocks and limitations on how she might try to reach you.

Lastly, I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. I hope it improves so that you can focus on your dad and in taking good care of you. Sincerely,

Christine C. Cantrell

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