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Dear Christine, Romantically Confused in Romeo

| February 6, 2017

Dear Christine,

I am 25 year old female I’ve just lately like a couple months ago realized I’m bisexual even though I have gotten with a women way before then and enjoyed it. I have always found women attractive and when I got older I became very attracted to women sexually. For a while now I’ve been interested in women romantically. I have a wonderful bf but some thing is missing I don’t even like the ideal of sex with guys as much as I use to. I mostly think about is women’s body’s that seems to be what I really like. Also I like the ideal of dating a women . I wanna kiss and cuddle and more with a girl I have imaged my self dating a girl and hanging out the weird thing is though lately with in a week or bit more i had 3 dreams of dating women the last one had very strong like I wanted to be with her long time. Why am I having those kind of dreams? Is bisexual the right label for me? Cause I like guys and straight sex but the desire to date and have sex with them has decreased a lot And I don’t know why . Can u help me please?

Romantically Confused in Romeo

Hi Confused,

Labels are an interesting thing that really don’t make that much difference! They are ways of categorizing people, putting them in boxes, and they’re a shortcut to figure out who someone is or how they want to be treated by what label they choose. Or they are the interpretation by someone else who doesn’t take the time to get to know the individual in question. The reality is, sexuality is fluid and changeable. Most people are able to be aroused by the opposite sex as well as the same sex partner. There are a few people, on either tail end of the statistical bell curve of sexual preference, who are only able to be aroused by an opposite sex partner, or a same sex one. So, good for you: you’re totally normal!

The other thing about labels is that they are political. To come out and declare yourself “straight” is not something most Americans do! I don’t think I’ve ever heard one straight coming out story! Have you? And to come out as bisexual is another political statement, as is coming out as gay or lesbian. Some people don’t think they are lesbian, because they are only attracted to ONE woman, not women in general. In fact, some women have “gone back to” a relationship with a man after the woman love of their life is no longer with them (break up or death). Currently, I have several clients who are concerned about what label to give themselves, as they have had sex with men and women in their past, but now they aren’t sure who to date or have sex with.

There’s really no right or wrong about this. If you are attracted to women, and you are dreaming about women, maybe it’s time to try dating some women? Maybe it’s time, first, to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about your attraction to women. Is there something he’s doing/not doing that is unattractive to you? Is it him? The male body? Men in general? Or is it just curiosity about what you don’t currently have? Are there any other problems in the relationship with your boyfriend?

It’s ok to explore who you are, and even if you make up your mind now, in 10 or  20 years, you may change it again! Being honest with yourself and open in whatever relationship you are in will help you get through the questions, the highs and lows that come with searching for who you really are and what type of relationship you find most satisfying. Good luck!

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067
248-591-2888

Click here to email Christine.

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