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Dear Christine, Should I believe Her?

| May 20, 2018

Dear Christine,   My girlfriend has lied to me on an important issue, we talk it out, she promised she won’t lie to me anymore and I said to give her one more chance. I really tried to give her a fair chance, but the thing is I often wonder if she will lie to me. I want to break up with her but I don’t want to hurt her if I can help! what do I do? Please help me! gentle heart. Should I believe her or shouldn’t I, in St Clair Shores?

Dear Should I Believe Her, 

The only way to feel closeness with someone else is to completely trust her. If she lies about important issues at all, then trust is damaged. That doesn’t mean that she’ll never lie again, but if, in talking out this lie, she understands why she lied, and what her issues were behind the lie, and she’s been honest with you about the whole situation, then perhaps trust is rebuilt with some self-disclosure on her part. Relationships take work and it’s a matter of time until one of you hurts the other again, one way or another. You cannot be honest in a relationship without someone getting hurt sometime. How you mend these tears in the fabric of a relationship makes all the difference as to whether the relationship survives and grows and deepens, or dies. Do you understand what caused her to lie to you about that issue? Do you hear her genuine honesty about what drove her to do that? If yes, then you have learned about one of her issues, one of the places she may fall again, but she’s also taken a risk of being very open and honest, which could help rebuild trust. If you truly can’t give her a “fair chance” then be honest with her and let her know that. If you want to give her that chance, then make sure you tell her whatever you need in order to be able to trust her again. She may or may not be willing or able to do what you need, but at least you’ll both understand yourself and each other better. That will help you trust your feelings as to what you need to do.

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067
248-591-2888

Click here to email Christine.

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