Dear Christine, Embarrassed in East Lansing

Dear Christine,

I am 46 years and came out to myself and the whole world about a year ago. Retired to Study full time at uni where I fell in love with my lecturer and assessor of several of my units, she is single and the same age, don’t know her sexual orientation. I am besotted with her and cannot keep my eyes of her, she does not exactly avert her gaze either often turning for a second look, on one occasion she stopped to tell me that she really wanted to have me in her tutorial next term and there has been some fairly electric moments between us, unless of course I am reading into things? but I am almost certain there is some attraction on her part, possibly curious more than anything.

I am a reasonably intelligent and confidant person however find myself struck dumb in her presence so in desperation sent her an e mail telling her how I felt, how beautiful she is and the things I would like to do to her(BLAH!) which was meant to read the things I would like to do for her. It was a messy e mail, almost bordering on harassment. Even worse, I sent the e mail through the uni. I am horrified with myself and incase you are wondering I am completely aware of the implications of this situation although not against the law and there is no serious age gap. I sent the e mail before the weekend, it is Monday and needless to say I have not heard from her. I sent another e mail with deep apologies, admitting that I did the wrong thing undermining her position and promising no more e mails etc. I am at my wits end. I feel so ashamed and don’t know how I will face her. I feel so ashamed and stupid as well for not being mature enough to tell her personally how I feel. It is already breaking my heart that I have probably lost her but I will deal with that, what I wont be able to deal with is her seeing me in a different light, like I am some sort of perverted weirdo!!

I will be grateful for any soothing words or advice.

Regards Embarrassed in East Lansing

Dear Embarrassed,

Hey, you made a mistake in being so forward, but we’ve all been there! Really! And sometimes it really pays off in being direct about your feelings. Other times, it can be embarrassing, for sure. I’m not sure what the rules and regulations about professors and students having any kind of relationship outside of teacher/student, but it would be wise to distance yourself from her and check out what those rules are. If there is some spark on both sides that you felt, perhaps she will wait to respond until after she no longer has any educational relationship with you. It wouldn’t be the first time! Meanwhile, make friends with others in her class, to help you feel more comfortable in class with her. If you have questions that only she can answer about coursework, make sure to ask them in class, and avoid any further person-to-person or email contact.

You were brave to speak your feelings, but don’t dwell on this experience. The ball is in her court, if anything further is to happen. You will get through this course, and you will get through this mistake. Be gentle with yourself. Hang in there! Christine

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067
248-591-2888Click here to email Christine.

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