Dear Christine,
okay so …..my ex….and i were talking last night about sex….and well…she was trying to tell me something that happened but was holding back since she was embarrassed to say it but i told her to tell me and now i really regret it.
I wont say what it is because its personal…
it just my ex and doing something sexual with someone else…and i guess , i just didnt like picturing her with someone else
but ever since last night that she told me , i just feel sick to my stomach….maybe its because i wish it didnt happen but i asked for it so its my fault
have you ever made someone tell you something and then regret asking?
my sickness is going away a little but its still there
Sick in Southfield
Dear Sick,
I’m sorry you regretted the answer you got from your ex, but I’m sure you learned something important about yourself in the experience. The School of Hard Knocks teaches the longest lasting lessons, for sure! Sometimes it’s ok and easy to be friends with exes, and share current dating experiences, but other times, it’s just too difficult, too painful to hear those details. That’s normal! What we’re talking about here is boundaries. When you’ve been intimate with someone, it can be very hard to hear of any similar activities they have with others after you, or before you! What you shared was special and unique, and it meant something to you. You’ve heard the phrase “ignorance is bliss”? Sometimes we can be friends but not share those kind of intimate details with each other. You realized too late this is a case of TMI, only you’re the one who asked for it! So, you’ve learned your lesson. Your sickness will pass, but in the future, you might not want to ask such questions, and if an ex decides to share too much in that department, it’s ok to head them off, letting them know that topic is off limits! It’s always an experience trying to maintain a friendship after a break up. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, but avoiding painful topics is a good place to start.
Let me know how it goes for you,
Christine C. Cantrell, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Prism of Possibilities Psychotherapy
3926 Royal Avenue, #A
Berkley, Michigan 48072
248-591-2888
www.christinecantrell.com
[email protected]
